Grieving the Loss of a Parent: Our First Relationship

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When we lose a parent, especially a mother, we lose far more than just a person in our lives—we lose our very first relationship. Our parents were the first people who taught us how to belong in the world, how to feel safe, and what it meant to be seen. A mother, in particular, is often the first heartbeat, the first touch, the first voice we ever knew. That bond is so significant, and when it’s gone, the silence it leaves behind can feel impossible to describe.

But here’s something we don’t always remember in the midst of grief: our parents also knew this loss. They lost their parents too. And somehow, they kept showing up. They got out of bed, made meals, paid bills, raised you, and even laughed again—while carrying their own grief. That is no small thing.

To honor them, we can take that same courage as a guide. Grief doesn’t mean forgetting, and it doesn’t mean cutting yourself off from them. Connection doesn’t end just because they’re no longer physically here. It changes form. You can still speak to them. You can still draw strength from the way they loved you and from the lessons they left behind.

Finding connection might look like cooking their favorite recipe, telling stories about them, or repeating the phrases they always said that shaped you. It might look like remembering their resilience when you face something hard, or noticing the little pieces of them that live on in you—in the way you laugh, or in the way you comfort others.

Grieving a parent is never simple. It’s layered, because it touches the deepest parts of who we are. But when you remember that your parents endured this same heartbreak and still showed up for life, you begin to see that you can too. Not because the grief is gone, but because you’re carrying forward the example they set.

Honoring them doesn’t mean living without grief—it means living with love in the middle of it. And that is how you stay connected.

Article: Toni Filipone