DEPRESSION AND GRIEF

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When you’re grieving, it’s not unusual to also feel depression settling in — like a heavy fog that won’t lift. You’re not weak. You’re not broken. There are real neurological and psychological reasons this happens. And once you understand them, you can begin to shift out of that paralysis and reclaim your energy.

Grief and depression overlap, but they’re not the same thing. Grief is a natural response to loss. Depression happens when the weight of that loss starts to shut down your emotional and physical systems.

Here’s what’s happening in your brain and body:

• Neurological shutdown: Grief depletes dopamine (motivation/reward chemical) and serotonin (mood stabilizer). When they drop, your brain loses the drive to act or feel joy.
   
• Identity collapse: If who you lost was tied to who you are, depression can step in when your brain struggles to rebuild that sense of self.
   
• Nervous system fatigue: Prolonged grief keeps stress hormones high. Over time, instead of fight-or-flight, your body goes into freeze — a protective but paralyzing state that feels like hopelessness.
   

Depression doesn’t just keep you sad — it alters how your body functions:

• Constant fatigue, even after sleep.
   
• Slowed movement or speech.
   
• Appetite changes (not eating at all, or overeating).
   
• Weakened immune system, making you prone to getting sick.
   
• A heavy, sinking feeling in the body — like you’re moving through mud.
   

This isn’t laziness. This is your nervous system and brain chemistry slowing you down as a way of conserving energy.

Depression whispers that you can’t change. That’s the lie. You can create momentum again — not by waiting for motivation to show up, but by breaking the pattern in small but powerful ways.

1. Interrupt the freeze.
   Depression wants you to stay still. The first victory is movement. Even if it’s standing up, walking outside for five minutes, or stretching your body. Small wins stack up.
    
2. Reclaim control of your focus.
   Your brain is like a search engine — whatever question you ask, it finds evidence for. Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?”, ask “What can I do today, no matter how small, to honor myself and my loved one?”
    
3. Associate pain with staying stuck.
   In Robbins’ terms: change your neuro-associations. Right now, sitting still feels “safe.” Reframe it. Imagine the cost of living the next year in this exact state. Then imagine the opposite: what if you took one step forward today? Which one feels more empowering?
    
4. Stack positive emotions.
   Depression erodes your ability to feel joy. Reignite it by stacking small moments of pleasure: music that lights you up, the smell of coffee, calling a friend who makes you laugh. You’re training your brain to remember what joy feels like.
    
5. Build certainty through ritual.
   When everything feels uncontrollable, create anchors: morning routines, evening reflections, or a weekly activity you commit to no matter what. Rituals tell your nervous system: “I am grounded. I am not lost.”
    

Grief can open the door to depression, but depression doesn’t have to keep you trapped there. By understanding the neurological reasons behind it — and using tools to shift your state, focus, and meaning — you create cracks of light in what feels like unending darkness.

Grief will always leave a mark. But depression doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You have the power to rewrite how you rise from loss.

Article: Toni Filipone